Monday 28 March 2022

Avoiding hyperfocus burnout

When I was young, I used to rejoice in being able to get my head down and cut through a week's worth of work in a day. I also used to wonder why I worked erratically and regularly burned out. 

Since hanging out with more neurodivergent people, I've learned a name for what I did: hyperfocus. When I got in the flow, it was as if nothing existed beyond the work - not even my body. In time, this took its toll. 

Last week, I was talking with someone who feels like a younger version of myself. She already knows the cycle of hyperfocus/burnout all too well. And yet. The buzz of hyperfocus - and the speed at which tasks vanish from the To Do list - is addictive.

In talking with her, I realised I've learned my own rule of thumb for sustainable work. It's a one-in-three rule. If I spend half a day in hyperfocus, I need two half-days of brain-rest. That doesn't have to mean doing nothing. It can mean doing some mundane jobs in a non-intense way. 

If I spend a week locked in my study, then I need to factor two weeks of rest. I will have achieved as much in that week as most people achieve in three weeks so I shouldn't feel guilty from a productivity perspective. 

Hyperfocus is a one of those double-edged swords for neurodivergent overachievers. It is a superpower where others stand in awe of what we accomplish. It is kryptonite if we don't balance our hyperfocus with the ability to breathe, rest, relax, and work at a slow pace. 

Learning that balance comes with accepting who we are. If we cannot accept that we are perfectly good 'oranges', it is harder to give up the thrill of hyperfocus at work. 

We all need to find our own rule of thumb. when I was young, maybe 1:1 would have worked. Now, I can't do more than 1:2. As I age, perhaps it will change again. or perhaps it will stay as 1:2 but measured in hours not days. Who knows? What I do know is that finding that workable rule is key to staying healthy. 

Saturday 26 March 2022

The fable of the fruit bowl

 

I'd been hoping to finish this for Neurodiversity Celebration Week but I failed. 

So this is just a rough first draft. One day it will be a children's picture book or perhaps a comic strip. The inspiration comes from reading some of Max Lucado's children's books - particularly You Are Special . I so long for and work for a world where there are neither stars nor dots. It may be a children's book but it transformed me from trying to get rid of my dots and gain stars. In neurodiversity terms, it helped me be me and not 'mask' my autism for approval and acceptance.

Anyway, this is my fable. The boxes mark each page of the one-day picture book. 

I'd love you to spread the apples and oranges analogy. I've found it the easiest way to explain the concept of neurodiversity to apples and oranges. It helps others to understand what it means for me to be autistic in a world where clinical diagnosis is still only about what we can't do and ways in which we are 'defective apples'. I have also found it helps autistic people realise they are not broken or damaged. 

Enjoy!


Chapter 1            The fruit bowl

 

In the beginning there was a fruit bowl. It was full of delicious fruits. 

Different shapes.

Different textures.

Different colours.

Different smells.

Different flavours.

They all had a place in the fruit bowl. Together they made the most amazing display and delicious dessert.

 

Somehow, over the centuries, the fruit bowl changed shape until only the apples really fitted in.

The fruit began to forget the old fruit bowl.

 

Over the generations, the apples started to think they were the only real fruit.

After all, the fruit bowl was designed for them. They belonged. None of the other fruit did.

 

After a few more generations, all of the fruit began to believe that the only fruit were apples so everyone must be an apple – even if they were spikey, long, tiny or embarrassingly bright orange.

 

Everyone knew what a good apple looked like. And everyone knew that defective apples didn’t fit in. They didn’t really belong in the fruit bowl, although most fruit knew you had to be nice and pretend they did.

 

Some fruit tried to pretend they were good apples. They hid their orangeness. They never let anyone see under their skin.

 

Sometimes they worked so hard at hiding their real identity that no-one guessed they weren’t an apple. Sometimes they even fooled themselves into thinking they were apples.

 

Others had no chance of fitting in and pretending. Everyone knew they were defective.


 

Chapter 2            The rebellion

 

One day some of the oranges dared to reach out to other oranges. Together, they decided that enough was enough.

They were fed up with pretending to be apples.

They were fed up with being judged against the standards for ‘a good apple’.

They were fed up with the daily choice of coping with a fruit bowl designed for apples or being excluded from it.

 

They were fruit. They belonged in the fruit bowl as much as the apples.

 

They began to explore what it meant to be an orange. They began to value their shiny orangeness, their citrus aroma, their juicy sweet tartness under the skin.

 

Some of them began to feel sorry for the apples. They wanted to find a way to help apples understand the richness that comes from a diversity of fruit.

 

Others were too angry and wanted to take over the fruit bowl for themselves.

 

Sometimes the oranges disagreed so much they fell out with each other.

 

These oranges started to meet other oranges who still thought they were defective apples.

They shared the story of the fruit bowl and the joy of realising they were oranges.

 

In time, more and more ‘defective apples’ began to realise their true identity.

And that’s where the real adventures started.

 


 

Chapter 3            Living as an orange in an apple-shaped world

 

The oranges quickly realised that all the fruit – except the apples – faced similar challenges.

 

How do you learn to be yourself?

 

The oranges found it helped to spend time with oranges who were already confident in their orangeness.

 

How do you become a confident fruit who loves themselves?

 

Most of the fruit found they needed help to heal from growing up thinking they were defective apples.

 

How do you thrive in an apple-shaped world?

 

That was the toughest challenge of all!

The fruit often fell out about the best way to do this.

 

Some said you should just learn to fit in.

 

Some wanted to take over the fruit bowl and teach the apples a lesson.

 

Some created a special corner in the fruit bowl where their kind of fruit could thrive.

 

Some fruit worked with other kinds of fruit to create a fruit bowl where all fruit belonged.

 

While the rest of the fruit were tackling these challenges, what were the apples doing?

 

 

Chapter 4            Being an apple in an apple-shaped world

 

Now the apples had their own problems.

 

Even apples grew up feeling ashamed that they weren’t perfect apples.

They felt they didn’t really belong.

They felt they weren’t good enough.

 

Most of the apples never told anyone how they felt.

They just felt sad inside.

 

As the other fruit got more confident, some of them started to talk to the apples.

They said that apples are not the only fruit.

They told the apples that apples aren’t even the best or most important fruit.

 

Some apples got angry.

They told the other fruit that they were just bad apples.

 

Some apples listened.

They began to wonder if the other fruit were right.

 

It was scary to imagine their apple-shaped world changing.

 

Only a few apples had the courage to accept that they were just another kind of fruit.

They asked the other fruit if they could join them.

They said they were sorry about how other fruit had been treated.

They asked if they could help the other fruit to make the fruit bowl a place where all fruit belonged.

 

The angry apples got even angrier when they found this out.

They started being nasty to the apples who listened.

Chapter 5            Into the unknown

 

This chapter is still being written.

As the concept of neurodiversity spreads – the concept that there are many kinds of fruit, not just apples – people are starting to react like the fruit of this fable.  

The non-apple fruit – sometimes called ‘neurodivergent’ because they diverge from a mythical ‘norm’ – are starting to form coalitions and movements where they can tackle the challenges of being non-apples in an apple-shaped world.

The apples – sometimes called ‘neurotypicals’ because apples are still the standard against which all fruit are measure – are slowly recognising that other fruit are not just defective apples.

 

I am autistic, officially labelled as such in 2022 at the age of 57.

I am an orange in an apple-shaped world.

I am on a personal journey of repairing past harm, working out what it means to be an orange, and looking for ways to co-exist not just with apples but all the other fruit in the fruit bowl.

 

I invite you to join me in writing the next chapter.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Monday 14 March 2022

The power of pottering

 I'm getting older. Time is getting more precious as I see less of it rolling out in front of me.

This feels particularly true after a week in hospital and two weeks of recovery at home (I'm hoping this third week will see me back to normal activities).

Most of the time I focus on time investment. What do I really want to be investing in? There is no point in managing my time with huge skill if what I am investing my time in doesn't really matter in the long run. Or - in trendy language - is my use of time aligned with my values? 

However, right now I am struggling with getting my time managed effectively. I think it's a consequence of a sudden unexpected three weeks off in the middle of a busy patch, and knowing I can't get back to full work just yet. 

All my time management tools target efficiency. They seek to streamline and organise how I use my time to maximise what is achieved. 

Recently I've learned the power of pottering in the kitchen. I can potter around, tidying, cleaning, prepping, dreaming, planning as I go. I don't chide myself for being distracted as I switch task mid-flow or have multiple bits of activity running in parallel. What I find is that I have achieved as much in a couple of hours as if I'd started with a list and worked my way through it. What I also find is that at the end of the couple of hours I feel refreshed and relaxed rather than drained from forcing myself through the tasks that 'must be done'. 

Last night I had tweeted that I was struggling because I am a freelancer and behind on work for various clients and worrying about how to catch up and which to prioritise. 

You know what I've done this morning? I've applied the 'power of pottering' to my work. You see, what I've learned from the kitchen is that when a list would be overwhelmingly long, I'll do what needs to be done if I let myself potter. 

So far this morning I have achieved so much that I have time to capture my experience in a blog. 

[For any clients reading and wondering how I've got time to waste on a blogpost - don't worry, I've got a plan that will give you what you need without killing me in the process.]