Don't blame the kids
The sneer of 'it's so simple, just do it' as you struggle struggle and struggle again.
The yell of 'Clear off, scabbyass, we don't want you'
The games of dare - who dares get closest to the leper - but don't let her touch you or you'll catch it.
The blanking, the turned backs.
'Kids can be so cruel'. It's used to sympathise, to explain playground cruelty. I have said it to myself and said it to others. But I have come to reject it.
Very few children are cruel. Many more haven't learned that what they are doing is cruel because they haven't yet developed the skills needed to put themselves in the other child's position.
What of adult cruelty? Some adults are cruel. Many others are too wrapped in their own world to put themselves in the other person's position. Many others fail to see their shared humanity with 'the Other'.
Just like the playground, the marriage and the boardroom can be sites of cruelty, shaming, bullying, taunting. The cruelty doesn't change. The visibility of it does. Cruel adults have learned to gas light. They are better at cloaking what they are doing than cruel children. It is rarely as publicly visible as the cruelty of the playground. In cloaking the cruelty, they maximise the damage to the person targeted.
Of playgrounds, rather than saying 'kids can be so cruel' maybe we need to say 'adults can be so bad at addressing cruelty and helping children learn empathy.'
Of boardrooms and bedrooms, let's be alert for the cloaked cruelty and make it publicly visible. Adults can be so cruel.
