Monday 8 February 2016

Talking to the GP

I've never tried talking to a GP about mental health before. 

There are many reasons, mostly because my work and life mean I've listened to GPs and other health professionals talking about people with mental health problems, and I've listened to people with mental health problems talking about GPs and other health professionals. Neither set of listenings have inspired confidence to even try talking to anyone in the NHS.

There's also my embarrassment, shame and sense of inadequacy that I've not self-managed my health adequately so need expert intervention. That's not specifically about mental health. I get the same feelings if I need to call on an expert for my asthma or eczema or a sports injury if I feel it's because of poor self-management. 

The fear factor for me was unique to mental health. It's one thing going to a GP and saying your asthma is uncontrolled. It's a different thing going to a GP and saying your anxiety (and voices) have exceeded your self-management skills. I was terrified that he'd hear the word 'voices' and hit the panic button.

But I went, taking my husband as my advocate. I went because I needed to get signed off work because I wasn't really safe to be there (for work read 'full time PhD student'). What being signed off also gives me is space where I don't need to do anything except focus on all the self-care things I need to do in order to get back to self-management. 

And for the first time, I accepted that I needed to bite the bullet and ask for some short term pharmaceutical help.

The appointment went well. I gave a three-point summary: my mental ill-health has exceeded my ability to self-manage; I need a medical note to give me a two month suspension of studies (which has already been agreed with the university), and I need something to take the edge off anxiety when it gets to the point I feel unsafe. 

And that excellent GP didn't miss a beat, didn't change his tone of voice, didn't even change his facial expression. He treated it just like my asthma or eczema had gone out of control. He asked a few relevant questions without sounding like he was reading from a script. He clearly knew about good self-management techniques (cos he checked I knew of them and was using the ones that worked for me!). He accepted my assessment of the situation (and my husband's filling in of details). He gave quick 'yes' answers to my two key points, ie there was no issue with the medical note and he had no problem with giving me a very small quantity of diazepam for short term use if/as needed. Then he talked with me a bit more about the longer term. And we agreed I would go to see him in two weeks so we could agree whether I'd got back to self-managing or, if not, for him to explain the longer term options.. 

I don't know how he came to be so excellent (I almost wonder if he has personal relevant experience), but three cheers for an excellent GP. By treating my illness as something as mundane as out-of-control asthma, he's helping me treat it that way too.