Showing posts with label neurodiversity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label neurodiversity. Show all posts

Saturday, 26 March 2022

The fable of the fruit bowl

 

I'd been hoping to finish this for Neurodiversity Celebration Week but I failed. 

So this is just a rough first draft. One day it will be a children's picture book or perhaps a comic strip. The inspiration comes from reading some of Max Lucado's children's books - particularly You Are Special . I so long for and work for a world where there are neither stars nor dots. It may be a children's book but it transformed me from trying to get rid of my dots and gain stars. In neurodiversity terms, it helped me be me and not 'mask' my autism for approval and acceptance.

Anyway, this is my fable. The boxes mark each page of the one-day picture book. 

I'd love you to spread the apples and oranges analogy. I've found it the easiest way to explain the concept of neurodiversity to apples and oranges. It helps others to understand what it means for me to be autistic in a world where clinical diagnosis is still only about what we can't do and ways in which we are 'defective apples'. I have also found it helps autistic people realise they are not broken or damaged. 

Enjoy!


Chapter 1            The fruit bowl

 

In the beginning there was a fruit bowl. It was full of delicious fruits. 

Different shapes.

Different textures.

Different colours.

Different smells.

Different flavours.

They all had a place in the fruit bowl. Together they made the most amazing display and delicious dessert.

 

Somehow, over the centuries, the fruit bowl changed shape until only the apples really fitted in.

The fruit began to forget the old fruit bowl.

 

Over the generations, the apples started to think they were the only real fruit.

After all, the fruit bowl was designed for them. They belonged. None of the other fruit did.

 

After a few more generations, all of the fruit began to believe that the only fruit were apples so everyone must be an apple – even if they were spikey, long, tiny or embarrassingly bright orange.

 

Everyone knew what a good apple looked like. And everyone knew that defective apples didn’t fit in. They didn’t really belong in the fruit bowl, although most fruit knew you had to be nice and pretend they did.

 

Some fruit tried to pretend they were good apples. They hid their orangeness. They never let anyone see under their skin.

 

Sometimes they worked so hard at hiding their real identity that no-one guessed they weren’t an apple. Sometimes they even fooled themselves into thinking they were apples.

 

Others had no chance of fitting in and pretending. Everyone knew they were defective.


 

Chapter 2            The rebellion

 

One day some of the oranges dared to reach out to other oranges. Together, they decided that enough was enough.

They were fed up with pretending to be apples.

They were fed up with being judged against the standards for ‘a good apple’.

They were fed up with the daily choice of coping with a fruit bowl designed for apples or being excluded from it.

 

They were fruit. They belonged in the fruit bowl as much as the apples.

 

They began to explore what it meant to be an orange. They began to value their shiny orangeness, their citrus aroma, their juicy sweet tartness under the skin.

 

Some of them began to feel sorry for the apples. They wanted to find a way to help apples understand the richness that comes from a diversity of fruit.

 

Others were too angry and wanted to take over the fruit bowl for themselves.

 

Sometimes the oranges disagreed so much they fell out with each other.

 

These oranges started to meet other oranges who still thought they were defective apples.

They shared the story of the fruit bowl and the joy of realising they were oranges.

 

In time, more and more ‘defective apples’ began to realise their true identity.

And that’s where the real adventures started.

 


 

Chapter 3            Living as an orange in an apple-shaped world

 

The oranges quickly realised that all the fruit – except the apples – faced similar challenges.

 

How do you learn to be yourself?

 

The oranges found it helped to spend time with oranges who were already confident in their orangeness.

 

How do you become a confident fruit who loves themselves?

 

Most of the fruit found they needed help to heal from growing up thinking they were defective apples.

 

How do you thrive in an apple-shaped world?

 

That was the toughest challenge of all!

The fruit often fell out about the best way to do this.

 

Some said you should just learn to fit in.

 

Some wanted to take over the fruit bowl and teach the apples a lesson.

 

Some created a special corner in the fruit bowl where their kind of fruit could thrive.

 

Some fruit worked with other kinds of fruit to create a fruit bowl where all fruit belonged.

 

While the rest of the fruit were tackling these challenges, what were the apples doing?

 

 

Chapter 4            Being an apple in an apple-shaped world

 

Now the apples had their own problems.

 

Even apples grew up feeling ashamed that they weren’t perfect apples.

They felt they didn’t really belong.

They felt they weren’t good enough.

 

Most of the apples never told anyone how they felt.

They just felt sad inside.

 

As the other fruit got more confident, some of them started to talk to the apples.

They said that apples are not the only fruit.

They told the apples that apples aren’t even the best or most important fruit.

 

Some apples got angry.

They told the other fruit that they were just bad apples.

 

Some apples listened.

They began to wonder if the other fruit were right.

 

It was scary to imagine their apple-shaped world changing.

 

Only a few apples had the courage to accept that they were just another kind of fruit.

They asked the other fruit if they could join them.

They said they were sorry about how other fruit had been treated.

They asked if they could help the other fruit to make the fruit bowl a place where all fruit belonged.

 

The angry apples got even angrier when they found this out.

They started being nasty to the apples who listened.

Chapter 5            Into the unknown

 

This chapter is still being written.

As the concept of neurodiversity spreads – the concept that there are many kinds of fruit, not just apples – people are starting to react like the fruit of this fable.  

The non-apple fruit – sometimes called ‘neurodivergent’ because they diverge from a mythical ‘norm’ – are starting to form coalitions and movements where they can tackle the challenges of being non-apples in an apple-shaped world.

The apples – sometimes called ‘neurotypicals’ because apples are still the standard against which all fruit are measure – are slowly recognising that other fruit are not just defective apples.

 

I am autistic, officially labelled as such in 2022 at the age of 57.

I am an orange in an apple-shaped world.

I am on a personal journey of repairing past harm, working out what it means to be an orange, and looking for ways to co-exist not just with apples but all the other fruit in the fruit bowl.

 

I invite you to join me in writing the next chapter.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Monday, 11 May 2015

Mindfulness - for those mindless stigma moments

Mindfulness is a potentially powerful way to still an unruly chaotic mind, ground during dissociative or flashback phases and pull out of the "I'm useless, everything is wrong" downward spirals. And for me at least, it works (sometimes, as one of an arsenal of tools).

Looking back, it's ironic that I learned mindfulness because mental health was seen as my problem. It was certainly my life getting screwed up, so in a very real way it was my problem. But in another sense, my mental health was problematic because of other people's response to me.

I am different. I hope I will always be different. I love myself as I am. And in learning that, my life stopped being screwed up - I stopped having a mental health problem and simply had a mental health difference. It wasn't mindfulness that got me to this point - that's another story for another day.

My point is that, these days, my biggest use of mindfulness is to handle other people's reactions when I stand up as someone with a long term mental health difference.

This is Mental Health Awareness Week. It has the theme of mindfulness.

Please promote awareness.

Please promote mindfulness as one tool among many.

Most of all, please,remember that most of the disabling, screwing-lives-up side of mental health is down to attitudes to mental health, not a mental health condition.

Monday, 9 March 2015

Four lives, one body

I envy secret superheros and villains. They only have two lives. You know, the "by day he is..., but by night..."

I have at least four lives, depending on how I think of them.

  • Postgraduate student
  • Hub at the heart of a family/household
  • Community activist
  • Worker-director

Oh, make that at least five lives, because sometimes I like to flop in a corner and just be me.

So far, so normal for many older postgrad students. We often blog about balancing and juggling, and avidly read tips on how to prioritise. It's not easy, but we do it.

But I like to push the boundaries a bit further. As part of the richness of being me, I live and work as a committee within my head. This way of being brings immense strengths as long as the committee are able to function as a whole.

Living as a committee is sometimes termed a disorder and can be seen as a stigma. But that implies there's something intrinsically wrong with living this way. It is definitely a different way of living. For example, sometimes I need to switch off from engaging with the people outside my head before answering a particular question because I have to do a quick check of how we all want to answer. But it is also a supremely effective way of thinking and working. How else could I/we bring multiple, overlapping but different, perspectives on whatever I am researching? How else could I/we divide up thinking tasks within my/our head and process multiple strands of thinking at the same time? (That is the coolest aspect of being me, even if it goes with a slight tendency to forget that I only have one body, which brings me back to the importance of "me" time and looking after ourselves...).

It can be time-consuming making sure all is well within, but at least it means I avoid the standard mature postgrad challenge of prioritising "me" time. I know that if I don't, I have about six weeks before anarchy will reign within. Which, ironically, probably makes me less prone to imploding than most multi-tasking postgrad students; I simply don't have the luxury of being able to push so hard that I risk burning myself out. I know where that leads and I/we don't want to go there again.

I pulled this post just before hitting "publish" last week, because I was worried about even this minimal self-disclosure about having a mind that works differently from most peoples. But I've reflected on the risks and decided I'm willing to take them, so here we go.

There's a lot written about the risk of self-disclosure in academic life when your brain is wired differently from what's accepted as "normal". But I don't get it, at least not within a qualitative research world where "normal" is as meaningless as any other statistical term, It seems more of an asset than a problem. If there's one thing that frustrates me, it's not being able to get my head round something, that feeling that I'm missing something obvious.

I'm curious as to what you will make of what I've said - that I'm different, that I hesitated before disclosing it - and that I see it as a "disclosure" rather than casual conversation.

So if anyone feels like satisfying my curiosity, please go ahead :)