When duty calls

It's time for another life check. That’s when I check whether 'what matters to me' is reflected in how I spend my time, energy, money, other resources. It’s also when I take stock of whether I have a good handle on what resources are available in my life, how much is required for non-negotiables and whether my goals are a suitable size for the available resources. It’s what I call checking my ‘time investment’ (as opposed to time management – I’d hate to get to the end of my life having managed my time amazingly but on things that didn’t really matter).

And right now, I need to factor in another calculation. Right now, my actions are not going to align with the bigger picture of what matters to me. And now is not the time to re-align them. This is a time in my life for investing in things that are the right thing to do because they are my responsibility. And my challenge is to be self-aware enough to know I have chosen freely to prioritise duty over what really matters to me. And my challenge will be to keep one non-resentful eye on the bigger picture so I don't forget who I am and what matters as I plough through a time of prioritising things that don't align with what really matters to me.

Why do I bother with duty? Why do things I don't particularly want to do? Why work hard on things that won’t help me towards my bigger picture goals? Because while what matters to me is important, I am also a social creature and I live in community. And sometimes duty needs to come first. And because sometimes, the doing of duty is the only opportunity we will get to develop the character we will need to achieve what matters.

So I sit with my blank page. I look at the next months, the next two years. I think of what I've been experiencing as growing and conflicting pressures. My pen is poised. And I think:

·         What resources do I have?

·         What rhythm do I need days and weeks to have so I can stay healthy and renew my strength?

·         What is my big picture?

·         What is my immediate duty?

·         And therefore what needs to become my immediate picture?

·         How do I choose to allocate resources?

·         And, most importantly, how do I become more me through this battle? How do I emerge victorious, with clear sight and a clear conscience? And battle it is, to let go of what matters to me for this season of my life for the sake of what I see as my duty.